he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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