Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
