YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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