And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The air was thick with penises
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
