Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
