i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
