you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
