I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
