Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
