dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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