I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
