Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
