It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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