No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize