She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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