Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
