I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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