it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
