Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
