this just has baby written all over it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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