are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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