he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The feeling are messing with the penis
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
