I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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