im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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