Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
