you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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