I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
