you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
