Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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