She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you never un-have a 4some
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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