so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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