I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
