like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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