I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
