I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
