you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
