HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
