i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
