Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
