okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
