i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
