Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
