I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize