We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
