everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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