Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
