dude i'm inner monologue high
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
