And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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