I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
