I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
