So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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