im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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