Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
