i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
