He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
