He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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