Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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