I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
