Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
