you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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