the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
