I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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