She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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