Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
