so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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