My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
