just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
