Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
