I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
