somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
