My room smells like vodka and shame
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
