I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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