Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
should my penis look like a turkey
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
