Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize