I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
