just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize