I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
