Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
