There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
