Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
